CHICAGO TEMPERATURE CONVERSION CHART

 60 degrees above zero:
 Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
 Chicago people sunbathe.

 50 degrees above zero:
 New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
 Chicago people plant gardens.

 40 degrees above zero:
 Italian cars won't start.
 Chicago people drive with the windows down.

 32 degrees above zero:
 Distilled water freezes.
 Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

 20 degrees above zero:
 Californians shiver uncontrollably.
 Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

 15 degrees above zero:
 New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
 Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

 0 (zero)
 Californians fly away to Mexico.
 Chicago people lick the flagpole.

 20 degrees below zero:
 People in Miami cease to exist.
 Chicago people get out their winter coats.

 40 degrees below zero:
 Hollywood disintegrates.
 Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

 60 degrees below zero:
 Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
 Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold
 enough.

 80 degrees below zero:
 Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
 Chicago people rent some videos.

 100 degrees below zero:
 Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
 Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

 297 degrees below zero:
 Microbial life survives on dairy products.
 Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

 460 degrees below zero:
 ALL atomic motion stops.
 Chicago people start saying...."Cold 'nuff for ya?"

 500 degrees below zero:
 Hell freezes over.
 The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.