George Carlin Wisdom:

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland
called "Holes"?

Why do we say something 'is out of whack'??  What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs??  Shouldn't they be
wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages??  It's just stale bread to
begin with.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint,
you have to touch it to be sure?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older, then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their
final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?  Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are
we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures
on the postage stamps so the mail men could look for them while they
delivered the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
Others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?