You Know You're From Wisconsin If: You've never met any celebrities. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. You can gauge the depth of your relationship by the number of fingers your friends use to wave to you as you pass by on the road. "Vacation" means playing miniature golf at the Dells. You've seen all the biggest bands 10 years after they were popular. You measure distance in minutes. The corner bar is decorated with neon Pabst signs instead of hanging ferns. You know several people who have hit a deer. Your school classes were cancelled because of cold. Your school classes were cancelled because of heat. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better." You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July. Stores don't have sacks; they have bags. You ask for a "bubbler" when you're thirsty. You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter. You "borrow" your neighbor your snow blower and hope he returns it before the next storm. (And you don't know why there are quotation marks around the word borrow in that sentence.) You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. A clean bowling shirt is appropriate attire for a wedding. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town, I wanna go with." All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain or animal. You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave both unlocked. You think of the major four food groups as cheese, beer, brats and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. You carry jumper cables in your car. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are. You own just three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports. You think that opening day of deer season is a national holiday. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly." You know all four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.