*Q.* What do lawyers use for birth control? *A.* Their personalities. *Q.* What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? *A.* A tick falls off of you when you die. *Q.* Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? *A.* To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service. *Q.* What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? *A.* Not enough sand. *Q.* What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? *A.* There are skid marks in front of the skunk. *Q.* What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? *A.* A Doberman. *Q.* What do lawyers and sperm have in common? *A.* One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. *Q.* Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? *A.* They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. *Q.* What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? *A.* Lipstick. *Q.* Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? *A.* The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures. *Q.* It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) *A.* I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. *Q.* A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"