A Southerner Moves Up North

Jan 10
5:00 p.m. It's starting to snow.  The first of the season and the first one
we've seen in years.  The wife and I took our hot buttered rum's and sat by
the picture window, watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the
trees and covering the ground.  It was beautiful.

Jan 11
We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape.
What a fantastic sight.  Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white
mantle.  I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it.  I did
both our driveway and our sidewalk.  Later a city snowplow came along and
accidentally covered up our driveway and our sidewalk.  the driver smiled
and waved.  I waved back and shoveled it again.

Jan 12
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped
to around 11 degrees.  several limbs on the tree and shrubs snapped due to
the weight of the snow.  I shoved our driveway again.  Shortly afterwards
the snowplow came by and did his trick again.  Much of the snow is now
brownish gray.

Jan 13
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice
when the temperature dropped again.  Bought snow tires for both cars.  Fell
on my ass in the driveway.  $145 to the chiropractor, but nothing was
broken.  more snow and ice expected.

Jan 14
Still cold.  Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get her to
work.  Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage
to the right rear quarter-panel.  Had another 8" of the white shit last
night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud.  More shoveling in store for
me today.

Jan 15
2 degrees outside.  More fucking snow.  Not a tree or shrub on our property
that hasn't been damaged.  Power was off most of the night.  Tried to keep
from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over
and nearly burned the house down.  I managed to put the flame out but
suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and
eyebrows.  Car slid on ice on the way to emergency room and was totaled.

Jan 16
Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the
clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox .  If I ever catch the son
of a bitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and rip out his
heart.  I think he hides around the corner and waits until we clean our
driveway again!  Power is still off.  Toilet froze and part of the roof has
started to cave in.

Jan 17
Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and
fuckin' ice and god knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last
night.  I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ax, but he got away.
Wife left me.  Car won't start.  I think I'm going snow blind.  I can't move
my toes.  Haven't seen the sun in weeks.  More snow predicted.  Wind chill -
32 fuckin' degrees.  I'm moving back to North Carolina.