June 8, 1998

     The Top 16 Signs Your Favorite TV Character Smokes Pot


16> During stand-up routine, Jerry cracks first joke about nothing
    and proceeds to laugh uncontrollably for 22 minutes.

15> He stays in his basement office, always babbling about aliens
    and conspiracies, and completely ignores his gorgeous
    red-headed female partner.

14> This Urkel guy is actually pretty funny.  (Oops!  That's a sign
    *I've* been smoking pot.)

13> Tim's project this week on "Home Improvement:"  How to turn 3
    bucks worth of PVC piping into a monster bong.

12> Has new theme song: "I love you, you love me.  Let's get nekkid
    and smoke some weed."

11> The interns are referring to him as "Doobie Howser, MD."

10> Tim McCarver is screaming from the booth for the baseball game
    to "slow down!"

 9> Every Sunday, Andy's doin' the same damn topic: "Didja Ever
    Wonder Why Potato Chips Taste So Good?"

 8> Overcome by the munchies, the Coyote finally quits chasing the
    Roadrunner and heads to 7-11 for a burrito.

 7> Old catchphrase, "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" now replaced
    with "Bummer, dude."

 6> Dr. Green and Dr. Ross call for "Doritos to Trauma 3, stat!"

 5> Sherman and Mr. Peabody are frolicking in 1865, but the Wayback
    Machine's not even plugged in.

 4> Star of special refuses to submit urine sample in "You're
    Suspended, Charlie Brown!"

 3> Samantha's so stoned, she doesn't even realize they switched
    Darrens on her.

 2> Three Words: "Suddenly Sh*t-Faced"

 1> "Willlllbur, I need some papers."