What If God Had An Answering Machine?

I have learned to live with answering machines as a necessary  part of
modernization, but I have often wondered what if God decided to install an
automated answering machine?
  Imagine praying and hearing this:

"Thank you for calling 'My Father's House'.
Please select one of the following four options:

Press 1  for a request.
Press 2  for a thanksgiving.
Press 3  to complain.
For all other inquiries, press 4.

You press 1 and hear:
" We're sorry. Due to heavier than expected volume, please try your call again
later. Your business is important to us."

What if God used the familiar excuse:
" All of the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the
line. Your call will be answered in the order it was received."

Can you imagine these kinds of responses as you "call on God" in prayer?

If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1
For Michael,   press 2
For any other angel  press 3.

To receive the  latest promotional gift with your order from Paradise Parlor,
press 0 and an operator will assist you.

To find out how many angels dance on the head of a pin,  press 5.

If you'd like King David to sing a Psalm, press 6.

To find out if your relative is here, enter his/her date of death and listen
for the list that follows.

For reservation information or to confirm your reservation at "My Father's
House", press the letters J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6.

To know what your rabbi  is doing at the moment,   press 7.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and
where Noah's Ark is, wait till you get here.

If you want to know what I think of American politics, don't press anything.
Hang up and listen for laughter.

Our computers show that you have called once today already. Please hang up
immediately.
"This office is closed for the weekend. Please call on Monday."