VIRUS ALERT!!! 
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it 
immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous E-mail virus 
yet. It will copy all your personal information (SS #, bank accounts, 
credit cards) and post them on a semi-legal web page for sale. It copies 
all the addresses in your e-mail address list and sends obscene messages 
from you. 
It changes passwords for all protected files and applications. It will 
re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks 
that are even close to your computer. 
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice 
cream melts and your milk curdles. 
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your 
ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field 
harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. 
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend (ex-husband/wife) your new phone number. 
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. 
It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table 
when there's company coming over. 
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with 
your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic. 
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. 
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all 
while dating your current boy/girlfriend (husband/wife) behind your back 
and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. 
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such 
is the power of Badtimes. 
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat 
up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. 
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and 
pillows, it will refill your skim milk with whole. 
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting 
shade of mauve. 
These are just a few signs. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.