Thought this was hilarious.  You have to sing it, now:


THE BALLAD OF THE BOBBITT HILLBILLIES

(sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Come and listen to my story of a man named John,
A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his schlong with her favorite knife.

 (Penis that is, clean cut, missed his nuts.)

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.

 (Curve that is, pricker shrubs, wheel hubs.)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
They called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there",
To John Wayne's Henry that was waving in the air.

 (Found that is, by a fence, evidence.)

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long.
So a Dick Doc said: "Hey, I can fix your dong."
"A needle and a thread is all you're gonna need,
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny peed.

 (Whizzed that is, even seam, straight stream.)

Well he healed and hardened and he took his case to court,
With a cockeyed Lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.

 (Video that is, case closed.)