A guide to deciphering what you friends mean (or perhaps what you mean) when 
they say things at the local pub.

No, really, I'm OK to drive. 
    I'm wasted and should have someone bring me home but I am too 
	embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with. 

I'm not used to these darts. 
    I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am 
	this bombed. 

Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes. (w/ opposite sex) 
       You would look great face down in my lap. 

You get this one, next round is on me. 
	We won't be here long enough to get another round. 

I'll get this one, next one is on you. 
    This place has dollar drafts and beers are $4.50 a pop at the next bar. 

Hey, where is that friend of yours? 
	I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you other than you're a way 
	to get your friend into a compromising position. 

Lets get out of here. 
	I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that biker guy's helmet. 

Can I get a glass of white zinfindel. (female) 
	I'm easy. 

Ever try a body shot? (male to female) 
	I am even willing to do a tequila shot if it means that I get to lick you. 

Ever try a body shot? (female to male) 
	If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the 
	ride home? 

Look at that girl leaving with 5 guys. 
	Take a good look now because next time you see that face it will be on 
	the back of a milk carton. 

I don't feel well, lets go home. (female) 
	You are paying more attention to your friends than me. 

I don't feel well, lets go home. (male) 
	I'm horny. 

I've had like 10 beers already. 
	I've only had 3, but I need an excuse to behave this way. 

Who's got the next round? 
	I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at 
	diverting attention. 

I'm getting my life back together. 
	Are you kidding? Would I be wasted in a place like this if I had my act 
	together? I'm a mess; fear and avoid me like the plague. 

Excuse Me. (male to male) 
	Get out of the way. 

Excuse Me. (male to female) 
	I am going to grope you now. 

Excuse Me. (female to male) 
	Don't even think about groping me, just get out of the way. 

Excuse Me. (female to female). 
	Move your butt. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, 
	missy, and don't  think for one minute that you are. Coming in here 
	dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, like 
	the slut you are. 

I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning. 
	I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been 
	avoiding him since racing season. 

What do you have on tap? 
	What's cheap? 

Can I have a white Russian? (female) 
	I'm really easy. 

You go ahead, I'll catch a cab 
	I already lined up a ride home with your ex-girlfriend. 

That person looks really familiar. 
	Did I sleep with him/her? 

Can I just get a glass of water? (female) 
	I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this. 

Can I just get a glass of water? (male) 
	It's 9:00 am and I just stopped drinking about 90 minutes ago. Hell, I 
	probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it is the least 
	you can do for me. 

Do you have any Wild Turkey? 
	I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the 
	morning. 

I don't have my ID on me. (female) 
	I'm 19. 

I don't have my ID on me. (male) 
	I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 last time I 
	was in here. 

It's OK, I'll just go home with him/her. 
	There's a good chance my life will end up as the Monday Night Shocker on 
	NBC.