A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in 
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, 
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?", 
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts 
boasting in an open foyer."

     -=-

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut 
daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his habit, and would always 
have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.  One afternoon, as the end of 
the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out 
of hazelnut extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made 
with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.  The doctor came in at his regular 
time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut 
daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry", replied he bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, 
doc."

    -=-

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.  He 
came across two men.  One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the 
other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man 
reading the book and devoured him.  Even the king of the jungle knows that 
readers digest and writers cramp.

    -=-

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in ten 
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.  
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 
    -=-

A guy goes to a psychiatrist.  "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring 
dreams.  First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a 
wigwam.  It's driving me crazy.  What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies:  
"It's very simple.  You're two tents."

    -=-

A man goes to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.  The 
dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six 
months ago is eroding.  What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I 
can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and 
put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so 
much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, 
everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.  
Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly 
corrosive.  It's eaten away your upper plate.  I'll make you a new plate, 
and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.  To which the 
dentist replies, "It's simple.  Everyone knows that there's no plate like 
chrome for the Hollandaise!"