= = = = = = = From the real-world NT battlezone: I was having a problem with NT 4.0. Only a Microsoft OS could report the following: The Microsoft Exchange Information Store service depends on the Microsoft Exchange Directory service which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully. = = = = = = = Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by a motorcyclist in the Chicago area: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BITCH FELL OFF. = = = = = = = Seen on a T-shirt: The difference between cats and dogs A dog thinks "My owner loves me, feeds me, pets me, takes care of me. He must be god." A cat thinks "My owner loves me, feeds me, pets me, takes care of me. I must be god." = = = = = = = Seen on a flyer posted in the Kroger supermarket in Bloomington, Indiana: "LOST DOG. Datsun-Poodle mix." I didn't have the heart to call and tell them they're called Nissans now.... = = = = = = = While on the phone with Microsoft technical support yesterday, I was put on hold. I was surprised when the song being played was a song called "Lookin' for Answers That Nobody Knows". = = = = = = = Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London: Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat. = = = = = = = From the strange but true file: Time-Life has a CD of contemporary Christian artists called Songs 4 Him. This CD is being marketed on TV through a 1-800 number. The number is: 1-800-*666*-0880 = = = = = = = Sign on a Calgary street: Speeding Fines 10 km over the limit.......$50 20 km over the limit.......$82 30 km over the limit......$117 (best bargain) = = = = = = = From the Bloomington, IN, Herald-Times, Oct 6, 1988: "We made some mistakes in recent editions. Corrections follow: *Sunday's Lifestyle story about Buddhism should have stated that Siddartha Gautama grew up in Northern India, not Indiana. = = = = = = = Seen fingerpainted on an extremely dusty Honda CRX: www.washme.com = = = = = = = I discovered the following warning on the flap of an envelope from a catalog for a company that sells old coins and paper currency via mail order: "WE CANNOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CASH sent through the mail." = = = = = = = I work for a software developer that sometimes has to use private builds of the software (those not on the servers available to everybody) to test new features before we inflict them on the rest of the company. Well, this morning, the following e-mail crossed my desk: "Hey, anybody have any trouble uninstalling using Bob's privates?" = = = = = = = Overheard this morning on NPR... " ...France's linguistic watchdogs call Viagra's arrival a 'big blow' to the nation" = = = = = = = An extract from a recent AVWeb bulletin: Despite the concern, FAA Administrator Jane Garvey cautions there is no imminent danger from the insulation, an opinion echoed by Airline Transport Association President Carol B. Hallett and Ron Hindenberger, Boeing's director of air safety. Doesn't it bother anyone that Boeing's director of safety is called "Hindenberger"? = = = = = = = Seen in 'The TRADER' (HP's internal classified sheet) 30,000 Frequent Flyer Miles: Needed for ticket upgrade, will exchange child, pet or housesitting. (408)773-XXXX = = = = = = = YAHOO! News Headline: "Paula Jones' Lawyers Will Pull Out After Appeal" = = = = = = = Saw this on a car last night.. HOW'S MY DRIVING? http://www.byte-me.com = = = = = = = Recently Corona del Mar's Port Theater closed when their lease was cancelled. The last thing on their sign? ROSEBUD = = = = = = = This was one of the advertisements posted on the noticeboard of a local Indian Grocery store : Baby sitter available * Kind, loving and caring * Mother of three (including husband) * ... = = = = = = = A sign seen over the toilet paper dispenser in a military "latrine" (bathroom): "Another quality product of the 3M company, sandpaper division." = = = = = = = A Reuters article on page E2 of the March 26th Toronto Star, detailing a convict's successful appeal of his sentence, begins as follows: "A man convicted of masturbating in public has recieved a helping hand from a judge..." Either the judge is far too close to his work, or the proofreader isn't. = = = = = = = Seen on a billboard driving through Philadelphia, PA: "I don't doubt *your* existence." -God = = = = = = = Seen on a billboard while driving through South Carolina: "Don't make me come down there." - God There are a few in my area. Apparantly some anonymous guy thought some up and bought space. Here's a few more I can remember: If you keep taking my name in vain, I'll make rush hour last longer. -God Which part of "thou shalt not" didn't you understand? -God That part about "love your neighbor" - I meant it. -God = = = = = = = Message seen written in the dust on a Lucent Technologies truck. "Test dirt do not remove" = = = = = = = The following appeared in the "International Herald Tribune" sometime between June 1988 and August 1989 (I apologize for not doing a better job of recording the date). Posted with permission: A sign spotted in a Cincinnati, Ohio, sporting goods store whose management obviously has brushed up on its Shakespeare, as reported to The New York Times by Ellen Feld: Now Is the Discount Of Our Winter Tents -- Arthur Higbee (N.Y. Times) = = = = = = = Seen on a T Shirt "I'm a bomb squad technician. If you see me running, try to keep up." = = = = = = = While reading some Associated Press wire stories, I noted with amusement the following two headlines next to one another: Reform Jews Adopt Traditional Rules followed immediately by Pope Ponders the End of the World = = = = = = = My girlfriend told me - "I will not tell you jokes anymore. You always laugh at me when I do. Naturally - I laughed. = = = = = = = From the actual label of Perrier mineral water: +----------------------------------------+ | | | Sodium ............ 1.8 mg /200 ml | | Potassium ......... 1.8 mg /200 ml | | | | SODIUM FREE | +----------------------------------------+ = = = = = = = I got one of those chain letter messages last week -- send money to the top person on the list, etc. But one sentence really caught my eye. Perhaps these groups are finally giving out accurate information. (Capitalization and punctuation from the original). THIS MESSAGE IS 10% LEGAL!!!! = = = = = = = An actual headline from Infobeat news: Infertility may be passed to sons. = = = = = = = During Wimbledon, I was watching the Sampras/Henman match on teletext. When the match started, the following scoreline appeared: SAMPRAS v HE MAN I didn't think Sampras had a chance. = = = = = = = While waiting for a long program to finish running, I decided to surf the web. I found an article on staying focused at work and, given that I was surfing, I decided I could use help in this area. When I followed the link, my browser crashed.