What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title. Some of these entries are particularly sick, so if you're not into that kind of thing, skip this one - ed. = = = = = = = If Hamlet took place in the U.S., would he be charged with Polonius assault? = = = = = = = What's the generic name for Viagra? Micoxaphalin = = = = = = = There's a new language called C+++. The only problem is every time you try to compile your modem disconnects. = = = = = = = Q: What happens to a lawyer when he takes Viagra? A: He gets taller. = = = = = = = Q: What will Clinton be known as in the history books? A: The president after bush. = = = = = = = Now that Bob Dole is taking Viagra I hear he's thinking about becoming a Democrat. = = = = = = = What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin. = = = = = = = If you add a couple of i's to Microsoft's stock ticker symbol, you get 'misfit'. This is, of course, not a coincidence. = = = = = = = cc hello.c, in Canada, results in: a.oot = = = = = = = A drug company has just invented a pill that combines the effects of Viagra and Prozac - apparently if you don't get a fuck you don't give a fuck! = = = = = = = We all know that the bread always lands buttered-side down. But with a toddler at home, you learn to appreciate the fact that it still tastes pretty good. = = = = = = = Q: Can you take a bath if you have diareea ? A: Yes, if you have enough ! = = = = = = = There was a story on the news tonight about a bra factory that was broken into, like 60 grand in bras were stolen my dad says they could have prevented the robbery if they'd had a booby trap = = = = = = = my haiku rocks it has four, eleven, and five syllables that's right, isn't it? = = = = = = = Heard this on ESPN's Sport Center this morning: "The second most asked question in NY is: How's Darryl Strawberry's health? The most asked is, of course, What the hell are you lookin' at? = = = = = = = Did you hear that they have discovered a food that is proven to reduce the sex drive of a woman by at least 90%? - wedding cake - = = = = = = = The problem with Republicans is that they appear to hate the sinner, and love the sin. = = = = = = = How are sex and air a lot alike? Neither one's a big deal unless you're not getting any. = = = = = = = The Final Insult: When the EMTs are closing you up in a body bag, and they get your dick caught in the zipper...... = = = = = = = I was just wondering if the Chinese are busy trying to deal with the "Year Of The Dragon" bug. = = = = = = = My friend Yaacov told me there's a new Talking Jewish Mother doll. You pull the string and it says, "Again with the string?" = = = = = = = It's clear that since there are more and more idiots in the world, there must be a large number of fucking idiots. = = = = = = = Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love." "Well," said the other woman," that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!" = = = = = = = If you stand in the middle of a library and shout "Aaaaaaaaargh" at the top of your voice, everyone just stares at you. If you do the same thing on an aeroplane, why does everyone join in? = = = = = = = Just had a Hell's Angel Jehovah's Winess at the door. He knocked on the door and then told ME to fuck off...... = = = = = = = It's a little known fact that the Dark Ages were caused by the Y1K problem. [Pulled from a signature in a posting] = = = = = = = From a UK local newspaper, the Horsham Friday-Ad: "Parachute for sale, once used, never opened, small stain." = = = = = = = The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that they have such different views of sex and relationships. Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex; Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship. = = = = = = = I just received a circular from Nature Neuroscience addressed to me at "Univ St &rews." Just thought I'd share th@ with you. = = = = = = = Have you heard about the Monica Virus? It attacks laptops. = = = = = = = My son's Furby broke this weekend. I said, "He'll have to go back to the Furby repair place." Without missing a beat, my wife asked, "To be refurbished?" = = = = = = = This one is original (I think) Most people believe that there are only 2 rings to marriage, when in fact, there are 3: The Engagement Ring The Wedding Ring, and Suffering = = = = = = = Would I be an optimist or a pessimist if I said my bladder was half full? = = = = = = = Heard on the radio: CNN just released the ingredients in Viagra. They are 2% aspirin, 2% ibuprofen, 1% filler, and 95% Fix-A-Flat. = = = = = = = I've decided to take histamine tablets with my viagra. That way I achieve an erection that's not to be sneezed at. = = = = = = = Attention Spam: The amount of time it takes to determine that a piece of email is not worth reading. = = = = = = = Two goats are out behind a movie studio eating old movie film. One goat says to the other, "Pretty good, huh?" The second goat says, "Yeah, but it's not as good as the book." = = = = = = = Seen on the door of a Gent's toilet cubicle: "Please leave this toilet as you would wish to find it." I left in a hurry. = = = = = = = What did Prince Charles say to OJ Simpson? "That's the way to do it."