Sayings that we'd like to see on buttons...

1.  Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2.  Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3.  Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4.  A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
5.  Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
6.  Do I look like a freakin' people person?
7.  This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
8.  I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
9.  I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
10. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
11. You! Off my planet!
12. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
13. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
14. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
15. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
16. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
17. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
20. And just how may I screw you over today?
21. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
22. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
23. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
24. Allow me to introduce my selves.
25. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
26. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
27. Better living through denial.
28. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
29. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
30. Adult child of alien invaders.
31. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
32. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
33. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
34. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
35. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
36. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
37. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
38. Adults are just kids who owe money.
39. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
40. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
41. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
42. You say I'm a bi*ch like it's a bad thing.
43. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
44. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
45. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
46. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
47. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
48. Is it time for your medication or mine?
49. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
50. I plead contemporary insanity.
51. And which dwarf are you?
52. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
53. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
54. Meandering to a different drummer.
55. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?