Not So Deep Thoughts * I started out with nothing...I still have most of it. * When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran? * I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. * Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. * If all is not lost, where is it? * It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. * If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished. * The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging. * I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through. * It was all so different before everything changed. * Some days you're the dog, some days the hydrant. * Nostalgia isn't what is used to be. * I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few. * It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end. * Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun. * The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. * When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess? * There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. * A closed mouth gathers no feet. * Being healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. * It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.